I really need to apologise I haven't been blogging in a very long time. I have had a slight bad patch but never the less am now able to reflect on the past and move on with my future aspirations. I am heading back to sixth form in September to try again and i'm really looking forward to it.

Less about me and my life lets get this blog back to where it was..

P.s I have another tattoo :)

Your Body

“ For the record, I honestly don’t give a fuck how much cock you suck. Suck a thousand cocks. Suck a million cocks. There’s no such thing as a slut. That’s just a lie they told you born out of male anxiety. Anxiety about adultery and misattributed paternity.

Sex isn’t sinful either, though you can trace a lot of sexual repression and misogyny back to the Abrahamic religions. Before Emperor Constantine tried to replace the pagan religions with Christianity, they used to have sex in church. Sacred prostitution. Happened a lot in Mesopotamia, for example. And the Mesopotamians weren’t stupid either. They invented the fucking wheel.

It’s your body to do with as you please. If anyone tries to dictate a dick limit to you, they’re trying to take ownership of your body. And that’s slavery. If they call you a slut, that’s slavery. And I refuse it. Suck an infinite number of cocks for all I care. Just enjoy it.

”

Trust

Trust. Trust yourself enough to know that no matter what life dishes out to you, you can handle it! Promise yourself that, no matter what, you will not abandon yourself. This means, regardless of your relationship, you will take active steps towards strengthening yourself: doing the things you love to do, staying connected to family and friends, learning new things, expressing your creativity, honoring your spirit, and taking care of yourself physically. You need to agree (with yourself) that you will seek professional assistance if you are unable to do these things by yourself. When you master this step, you have greatly diminished the need to trust others, those over whom you have no control. It is great to feel that we can trust other people, but we shouldn’t need to trust them to be okay. We need to trust ourselves to handle whatever happens regardless of what other people do. Even partners who are typically trustworthy may go astray at the spur of the moment and since we can’t control anyone else, the need to trust others isn’t as important as the need to trust oneself. Perhaps most important of all is trusting the divine plan to provide the perfect learning experiences.

I am beautiful (and so are You!)

I’ve decided to change the way I think. Which is not as easy to do as it sounds. Of course I can write that sentence out as much as I want and it doesn’t make it true.

But I am going to really try.

Because you see, I have felt self conscious about my appearances for far too long. I’m getting sick of being down on myself all the time. It makes me exhausted, it makes me feel bad about who I am.

Instead I am going to try adding a line to my personal mantra and say it every morning.

It was before— “I am a strong, intelligent young woman and I am going to have a good day.”

Now I am going to say— “I am a beautiful, strong, intelligent young woman and I am going to have a good day.”

A simple change, but an important one.

There are so many different forms of beauty, I refuse to believe that I do not have any of them. We all do. Whether it’s our smile, the way we walk, or something you can’t really see at all (compassion, intelligence, patience, etc.), we all have something that makes us uniquely beautiful.

I know this sounds trite but my inability to value my own self worth has been a major road block in my attempts to work through my anxiety. So it is important for me (and many others) to be able to push through this road block.

We all have something to offer, something that makes our lives worth living. That is our beauty.

A Post On Insecurities!

I've been thinking a lot about insecurities recently, namely my insecurities and how I feel about myself. Like many girls, I feel I have a lot wrong with me. Things I wish I could change both on the inside and mostly the outside, things I think about every day but can't change no matter how much I try. 

I know a lot of girls feel like this but not many people can talk truthfully about it but I just wanted to say - I'm here for you and I completely get it.

I've always struggled with the way I've looked. I was never teased at school or anything, it was more how I felt about myself at the time - I thought about it that much, that even now that I look completely different, I still feel the same. I still feel horrible and disgusting 99.9% of the time. I grew up on the internet, on tumblr looking at all these drop dead gorgeous girls and I always wondered WHY IS THAT NOT ME? 

Why is my nose so big? Why is my hair so flrizzy Why is my face so wide? Why am I so short? What's wrong with my chin? Why don't I look like everyone else? 

The truth of the matter is, I'm never going to look like I want to, so why not embrace it? I've tried, trust me I've tried but it's ending up with me masking my face in layers and layers of makeup. If someone sees me without makeup, they don't realise it's me. I've literally been drawing my face on these last 2 years out of insecurity. It's not healthy. 

But that's just it - I've realised IT'S NOT HEALTHY. For anyone. For me, or for you. Most of us feel insecure when we are reading magazines or looking at photos of other girls. But just look at yourself! You're probably laying on your bed, in your pyjamas, with your hair up in a scruffy bun and wearing no makeup. No wonder we feel like crap if we are comparing ourselves to other girls when we are chilling out in our rooms. We haven't got makeup on and we haven't been excessively photo-shopped. This is something I have to keep telling myself. Nobody looks like that in real life, so why keep comparing myself to something that doesn't exist without the aid of computer magic? 

There's no such thing as perfect and we are all beautiful in our own way! 

Sure you might think you have a funny smile, but it's your funny smile and it's what makes you different from everyone else. 

Our insecurities make us beautiful. 

I climbed the tree to see the world

I was looking for some inspiration for my second tattoo, I knew I wanted something on my wrist that symbolised anxiety and depression, without going into too much detail because that is not what I want to do I just wanted to find something to symbolise what I think I've been through. Anyway I stumbled across this design I quite liked...

I typed the quote into google wondering what it meant, When I realised it was song lyrics, I had never heard the song before but now it is probably one of my favourite songs I highly recommend you give this video a little watch, its no official music video but a home made video, its so emotional and simply brilliant and gets me going every time.

Thanks, Abbie

Sh!tty Internet

I can not apologise for the lack of content over the last 2 weeks, I spent a little while in a very rural environment which was extremely picturesqueness however the internet connection shall we say lacked slightly. I did shoot over 1600 snaps though, which to be honest I now can not be bothered to edit. I have been to some amazing markets and bought what I feel is some great buys, (lets not mention the fact I have spent £500 and I don't really have anything to show for it...)

On the other hand I am now back in tourist city, where I can tan nicely on the beach (I haven't tanned at all so far and have been here.. what... 2..  3.. weeks.... ohh)

I will be uploading some more posts soon sorry again.

More from my tattoo experience

Here is just another little picture of my experience getting my tattoo, I love it, I love the size and I love the design. Ahhh :)! Everyone says this looks really painful but its just not, it doesnt hurt at all.

I'm going to end this post now and hopefully decide on my next (post not tattoo:P)

My First Tattoo

I got my first tattoo yesterday, regardless of being underage I knew it was something I really wanted. Here in Thailand I dont think there is any age restrictions for these things, or certainly if there is they are alot more relaxed than Britain (where I live). The Tattoo Parlour I went to was well maintained and as much as people worry of foreign shops as this, I can certainly say I wouldn't get better back at home even if I was the age of consent. I dont need to go into the ins and outs but I checked everything, they used a new needle, properly sterilised equipment  and on a whole I could not ask for more of the experience.

Here is my new tattoo-

I'm now going to begin to explain the meaning and the inspiration of this tat-

I started by having a vague idea that I wanted something meaningful so set out looking through tumblr for some ideas of what others had and how I could make it my own.

I found these designs and realised that I wanted a bird,  to represent a missed loved one (ie my uncle who passed in mid 2010). after deciding on the idea of the bird I realised I wanted something with a little of a twist. I did like the 'alightly sound' design as I thought it related to me well because I can be so gobby and talkative when infact i'm more of a shy character. but I felt i needed something abit more me, because that design looked abit to 'indie':P for me.

So I continued looking and came across the following design again on tumblr

once I had seen this I knew exactly what to do, to put a daisy (flower) in the beak of the bird. I looked at both the most common daisy and the yellow daisy and decided I would go for the rarer option.